Few people are tougher on themselves than artists and creative thinkers. We’ve all been there before, telling ourselves things like-
‘I can’t do this.’
‘I’m not good enough.’
‘I’m not cut out for this industry.’
‘I’ll never be successful.’
And you know what? You’re absolutely right, if you keep telling yourself that you won’t be successful then you definitely won’t be successful. Constantly beating yourself up and using negative self-talk might happen in our heads, but it doesn’t stay in our heads. It has immediate influence on our environment, like the people and opportunities that we bring into our lives. In other words, our reality is often a reflection of how we see ourselves.
Get Lucky
So how does that work? That’s what experimental psychologist Richard Wiseman wanted to know, and part of the reason he spent a decade studying the science behind ‘luck’. His research found that most of the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ things that we encounter in life aren’t a matter of luck, but mindset. So-called ‘lucky’ people are the engineers behind their own fate courtesy of four principles he identified, one of which was being able to “create self-fulfilling prophesies via positive expectations”. Put simply, if you have a healthy self-image and aren’t doubting your ability or worth, good things happen to you because you allow them to happen to you. You welcome them into your life with open arms. You know that they’re going to happen because you believe that you deserve them.
Someone who doesn’t have a good relationship with themselves likely doesn’t believe that they deserve to enjoy the wonderful things that life has to offer, and they condition their brains to tune out positive and focus only on a negative. It might feel like only bad things are happening to them, when in truth they’re rejecting the good things both consciously and subconsciously through their thoughts and behavior.
Excess Baggage
The aptly named Professor Wiseman isn’t the only person who’s made the connection between the way we see ourselves and the opportunities that come our way. And he definitely isn’t asserting that by being positive all the time, nothing but good things will come our way. We can influence our environment, not the universe as a whole, and sometimes bad things are inevitable. What matters is how we approach our circumstances.
In his poem “The Guest House”, 13th century poet Rumi talks about this very thing. He uses a guest house as a metaphor for the human body, and the guests are our emotions. Different visitors are going to come and go, and you should receive them all the same no matter who they are. These lines in particular highlight the potential for a positive outcome even from guests like sorrow and sadness-
“Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.”
Join my We don’t need to go to extreme lengths to shun all the negative from our lives. They’re a normal part of the human experience, and they do serve a purpose. Just remember not to let them linger too long, each guest needs to check out eventually.
This is Going Somewhere
Now you’re probably wondering ‘These aren’t acting tips, how can they teach me how to be a better actor?’. Well I definitely appreciate your eagerness and your patience, because we’ve arrived at our final destination. Let’s quickly recap what we’ve established.
- A healthy outlook on life is how you bring in all things beneficial, advantageous, and every other synonym that makes you feel ‘lucky’.
- You can accept the negative for what they are without letting them trample all over you and still stand to gain from the experience.
What’s the common denominator between these two principles? They’re choices that we make. More specifically, they’re ‘positive life choices’, a term which is so much more than the sum of its three parts. When I say ‘positive life choices’ I don’t mean choosing good things during the course of your lifetime, that’s far too generic and superficial. Life choices are the choices which determine the direction our lives go. When you put ‘positive’ in front those choices also become ones which enhance your feelings of self-worth, cultivate a deep self-love, and empower others in the process.
I know it’s a lot to unpack, so let’s take it slow and go over the individual elements.
The Gold Medal
First we’re going to tackle acknowledging our worth. If you’re one of those people who looks at the awesome things in your life and you think to yourself ‘What did someone like me do to deserve this?’, this is a sign from the universe to stop doing that. There’s no language that’s explicitly tearing you down, but it implies that you’re unworthy, lesser than, and not good enough. It still reflects a negative self-image, and you’re never going to feel good enough if you’re committed to believing that you aren’t. And you’ll miss out on opportunities that are right in front of you if you’re distracted by that negativity.
People who acknowledge their worth take time to invest in themselves. I want you to consider everything you’ve accomplished either as an actor or in the interest of your acting career. If you have any credits or accolades under your belt, it’s because you put in the work. And if you haven’t gotten any (yet) that’s because you’re putting in the work now by taking a class, finding an agent, meeting new people, getting your headshots, reading up on the business of acting, exploring the market, the list goes on and on.
No one gets anywhere by doing nothing, and all the actions that you’ve taken are paving the way for you to do more. It doesn’t matter if it’s big or small, anything achieved is still an achievement. It’s your achievement, so own it! You’re setting yourself up for something bigger and better in the process.
The Game Changer
Now let’s talk about cultivating a deep self-love. Feelings of self-love aren’t the same as arrogance or conceit, so feel free to toss that misconception out the window. Self-love is healthy, and something that we should all strive to develop. It’s what enables us to be the best version of ourselves that we can possibly be. Much like acknowledging your worth, self-love aids in paving the way for leading the life that you want to lead – a life that’s meaningful and enjoyable on your terms. As we strive to make positive life choices and prove to ourselves that we’re capable of instigating change for the better, that confidence paves the way for this incredibly important self-love.
If that’s the case, all those examples I gave of acknowledging your worth are stepping stones to developing self-love. Self-love comes from confidence, and confidence comes from positive results of our efforts. Think about every job you’ve held aside from being an actor. Now think about all the times you dreaded going to work. Most of us take those jobs because we need the money or the benefits, not because we love what we do.
Actors don’t have that restriction, which many in the business of acting don’t seem to realize. If you’re so desperate for work that you take any role that comes your way, you’re doing yourself a major disservice. It’s an insult to your talent, your passion, and undermines all of the hard work you’ve put in. Sometimes you dread going to an audition or being on set, much like your part-time high school job or boring office position that paid well but had little of value to offer you.
Actors should instead take on roles that they enjoy, the roles that allow them to do more of what they love so they can love what they do. And if our choices and mindset are what influence the opportunities that come our way, loving the life you lead will be a serious struggle if you’re not full of self-love. It’s a game changer.
The Teamwork
Lastly, empowering those around us. One of the many great things about self-love is that it simply cannot be contained. It starts from within, but eventually we become so full of self-love that it overflows and we start to love others just as strongly. And being loved can inspire people to start loving themselves. It’s like a domino effect and it only takes one person to kick start it.
Think about all of the connections that you need to make as an actor. Acting coaches, managers, agents, producers, casting directors…Growing your network is very important, but you shouldn’t connect with just anybody. Anyone who has a presence should have a purpose. Why? Because positive life choices put you on the path to living your dream life, and someone who doesn’t want to be a part of that has no business getting involved in your business. People who don’t serve a purpose will interfere with your growth, and ultimately your happiness. ‘Serving a purpose’ doesn’t mean that you and you alone are benefiting from it. That purpose can be as a mentor, a guide, a friend, and so on, but those bonds will only last if you’re both helping and empowering each other.
In other words, those relationships need to be built with sincerity, rather than the expectation that you’re going to get something out of it. The compassion that you show others is no different, you do it because it feels good and elevating others reinforces your confidence. Confidence deepens your self-love, and it all comes full circle. It’s the gift that keeps on giving.
This type of love for self and others that’s rooted in the desire to express genuine compassion and kindness is the pinnacle of love, Altruistic Love. It’s the socially responsible and enriching love that communities are built on, that inspires acts of charity, and can help the world become a better place. It’s like the ‘Pay It Forward’ movement, but instead of buying coffee at Starbucks for someone who can already afford it, you’re acting out of the goodness of your heart for those who truly need it.
The Playbook
All of this might sound overwhelming or intimidating, but it really isn’t. There’s a manual that you can use to help you in your journey, both as an actor and a human being. Investing in yourself is one of the most powerful positive life choices that you can make. Don’t pass up on this opportunity – after all, your mindset is what brought you here.
Ready to take your acting career to the next level? Join my online program for actors and develop the success mindset you need to succeed!